In the season of my life as I entered SOCL 20, I felt that the Lord was constantly challenging me to grow into the woman He desired for me to become, by pushing me to bear heavier crosses. With every invitation that was given to me, He knows that I cannot reject Him - like who in the right mind would want to reject the King of Kings right? However, I felt that sometimes the Lord was asking too much of me, without knowing what He sees in me that I cannot see for myself.
The words from 2 Chronicles 20:12, “we do not know what to do, but we look to you” was a reminder that even in the constraints, there will be goodness. During the 10-day [online] retreat, I knew that the Holy Spirit will definitely present Himself beyond the limitations of the zoom walls that we were all confined in. True enough, the goodness of God was already made manifest in the first few days. I knew Jesus as the lover of my soul, which He so generously & sincerely revealed to me during CUR19 but in this time, He desired for me to know more about His love through his Fatherhood. That I am His child, and despite the many rooms in His house for the rest of my brothers & sisters in Christ, He has also kept a room for me. The room, that would always belong to me, for me to rest in & to find solace in. I was convinced that despite the many challenges He has given to me, He desires for me to rest in His embrace & to just let Him hold me through. There I was, thinking that He gave me these heavy crosses to bear by myself – but He had wanted to carry this crosses with me, to build me up with the strength that I needed, to overcome the many heavy baggage that the world will eventually throw at me.
This world is the fallen world that will constantly remind me of the stains of my sins and lies of unworthiness. The great Father that God is, assures me that He not only wants my goodness, but also wants my brokenness, my stains, & my shame. He wants to turn it anew & make them beautiful. My brothers & sisters, this is the man who can turn mere barks of trees into beautiful carpentry pieces. Even though I don’t see the worth of a tree bark, my Heavenly Father, turns it into something of great value. Choosing God is a constant battle I face every day, but He has revealed to me that in the choosing, I am not alone. I have the Queen of peace, Mary my mother, and my foster-father St Joseph as my protector. The rest of the saints are also rooting for me as I take a conscious step closer to Christ, every single day. I am convinced to always seek the kingdom of God first, for He will put everything else in place for me. It is only through endless encounters with the Lord that I truly allow for newness of life to seep in, giving permission to the King enthroned in my heart to build a strong foundation.
I now proclaim that I have been made new – as the vessel of His Living Water. Jesus desires that through me, others may know of Him & in turn, love Him. Dear brothers and sisters, I invite you to allow Jesus to help you carry your cross. Would you put on the full armour of God, with me?
TL;DR
- Before SOCL 20, I felt that the Lord was asking too much of me by giving me heavy crosses to bear.
- In the midst of the retreat, He has revealed to me of His desire to lavish me with the kind of love that I am not most familiar with yet – which is His spiritual Fatherhood. He also revealed that I was foolish to think that I would be carrying the heavy crosses by myself, for He carries them with me.
- The truth I want to claim is that as God the Father accepts all the goodness I can offer; He also takes my brokenness & turns it into something beautiful. I can now proclaim that I have been made new.
Love always,
Jesus's bb ☻